I want to share some things that we found to be really helpful throughout the process of bereavement.

God.  We truly felt like God held us through all of this, and he’s still holding us.  We felt his grace and his protection in so many ways and in so many of the details of our story.  I can honestly say, that without my faith in God I would be in a horrible place.  Clinging to the hope of his promises, and knowing that we will be reunited with our daughter again someday has provided hope and healing.

Family.  We have an incredible family.  We are so thankful to have my sister, brother-in-law and their kids here in Nashville, as well as my parents.  We are also so blessed to have Shaun’s parents and sisters, who are great as well, even though they live further away.  Our family is hurt too, by the loss of Lucy.  However, they still constantly checked in with us and were there to help with whatever we needed. They took care of a lot of little things for us that were really, big things.

Oliver.  Having a child forced us to get up each morning to face the day and be his parents.  Even though I’m sad, he still needs breakfast, his clothes changed and lots of love.  Having him is a major blessing.  Because Oliver was so little, and wasn’t in grief due to his level of understanding of the situation, he remained his silly self making us laugh and lifting the mood a lot.  He has been a sweet little source of light for us through all of this.  I know that this whole situation would be so much tougher if we didn’t have Oliver.

Friends/Community.  Although right at the beginning, I naturally wanted to be alone with Shaun and Oliver to process and work through everything that happened, our community being there for us was so needed.  Words absolutely can’t express how humbling it was to have so many people immediately rush to our side.  My incredible friend Heather started a donation fund to help us with our medical expenses.  I still am so blown away by the generosity of everyone who gave.  This was so incredibly humbling.  Heather also started a meal train, so we had a lot of meals dropped off to us from so many gracious people.  Our neighbors, friends, family and small group were dropping off snacks, groceries, toilet paper, paper towel, etc.  They wanted to take care of our physical needs so we didn’t even have to think about it.  We got so many kind cards and little gifts in memory of Lucy.  Words do not feel like nearly enough to explain just how taken care of and loved we felt.  We just can’t express how much we appreciate all of the support, care and love we received and still continue to receive.

Church.  We really love our church community.  Our pastor and his wife were really there for us through our loss.  They showed up at the hospital as soon as they heard that we lost Lucy.  They led the burial and memorial services for us, met up with us to talk and checked in with us to see how we were doing.  I am so thankful for them and I just can’t say enough about how incredible they are.  Also, as I mentioned above, our small group from church was so supportive and there for us in so many ways.

Prayer.  Shaun and I praying together and separately has been so key in connecting with God, leaning on him and remembering his promises.  Also, all of your prayers.  So many people have reached out to me and let me know how much we are being prayed for.  I couldn’t be more thankful for your prayers.

Counseling.  We have such an amazing counselor.  I don’t know what else to say about him besides that he is incredible at what he does, is so caring, and he gets us.  For me, knowing that my thoughts and feelings are normal and valid really helped a lot.  Grief can make you feel a little bit crazy sometimes.  Also, working with someone who we really connect with has been helpful and needed.

Loss Doula, Doula, and Midwife.  As I mentioned in a previous post, we had Leanne and she is so great.  She literally came to my house, sat on my couch and cried with me more than once.  She too lost a baby.  She knew what we were going through in a way others didn’t, both on a personal level and on a professional level.  (Click here is you are wondering what a loss doula is.)  Also, our doula and midwife were there for us through the entire pregnancy and loss.  They were a huge source of support for us.

Others who have lost a baby.  I mentioned Leanne above and Raechel in a previous post. I also had five other mamas reach out to me who had full-term losses.  Not feeling isolated and alone is so huge.  Whatever it is that you’re going through, I truly believe that this is so important.  There is a safe feeling with these people who have stood where you stand.  These people have literally been there and you can share in things with them that others are not able to understand.

Time and Grace.  I mentioned before that we all heal at different paces.  Of course, there are so many factors that go into it.  Surfacing from the first huge, horrible wave of grief just takes time.  From there it takes us being patient and gracious with ourselves.  It is tough to know that time won’t ever make the grief go away.  The wound will always be there, but it will be more manageable as time passes.  You never really get over losing someone.

Books.  Reading the Bible has been helpful and comforting.  Shaun and I also both read, “Walking with God through Pain and Suffering”, by Timothy Keller.  This was our favorite book about this topic.  It was really helpful to us and I highly recommend it.  I have a few more books sitting on my dresser that I would like to read, and hopefully I’ll get there soon.

Each other.  I just can’t describe how strong and steady my husband is.  This guy just constantly amazes me.  In my toughest times he has been right by my side, comforting me and encouraging me; reminding me of truth.  His sensitivity to people and feelings is incredible.  We definitely had moments of crying together, praying together, just being there with and for one another.  He is clearly grieving too, and missing Lucy like crazy, but he always steps up and is there for me when I need him.