Lucy’s burial was very private. We only invited our immediate family and our pastor and his wife to attend. Her burial is something that I’m choosing to keep for ourselves and not write about. The only reason I am bringing it up is to share that we chose to have it the day before her memorial service. We talked to a couple of different people who have also lost babies and they both suggested this. It was such great advice. Both of these events are mountains to deal with emotionally, so for us splitting them up worked out really well. Lucy’s memorial service was held at our church in Nashville. It was open to anyone who wanted to come. It was a grey day, mirroring our mood. As her parents we made the choice to not wear black. We wanted to take this day to celebrate Lucy; the joy we have knowing that she is in heaven with Jesus and the hope we hold onto that we will see our daughter again someday.

The service was held in the big beautiful chapel that we attend Sunday service in each week. It is where Oliver was dedicated. Although Lucy will never get to attend church with us outside of my womb, we were glad to be able to celebrate her in the familiar, beautiful room. The room has tall ceilings, pretty light fixtures, big beautiful windows and yet a feeling of intimacy. It’s a place where people come together, be it in joy or in sorrow.

Oliver was just under two and a half at this time. We chose to have him not attend the burial service or the memorial service. We really wrestled through these decisions but decided that it was really important for us to be fully present and focusing on Lucy. Additionally, Oliver did not really understand what was happening and so we thought that this was what was best for him.

I was really nervous for the memorial service. It would be the first time that I would face people since losing her and I didn’t know how that would feel. I didn’t like being the one in pain, the subject of a tragic story or someone that others pitied. I wanted to be at home snuggling a newborn, deprived of sleep but full of joy; living quietly and happily. But there I was a sad, scared mess.

There were a lot of people who showed up to support us and to celebrate Lucy. It meant so much to us, so much more than people probably realize. Our family lined the front row with us and everyone else who gathered sat behind us. We needed each of them there. When people are willing to show up, to stand with you, to sing and pray and cry, it’s just incredible. We were not made to live life alone or bear our hardships alone. We need people and we usually need them more than we know. We had friends who came from high school, college, people that lived states away. So many of my co-workers came. We were completely humbled and in awe of the number of people who cared enough to stand with us, celebrate Lucy and say goodbye to her.

We picked two songs that we wanted to be sung during the service. Our neighbor and friend, Tommy, was gracious enough to lead these songs. We began the service with the hymn “It Is Well”. Our pastor’s wife led us in a beautiful prayer and our pastor spoke about Psalm 23. We closed the service by singing “In Christ Alone”. The service was so nice and we were really grateful to all the people involved and all those who attended.

Psalm 23

 

The LORD is my shepherd,

I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul;

He guides me in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the

valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

You have anointed my head with oil;

My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy will

follow me all the days of my life,

And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

 After the service was completed, we had everyone come through in a receiving line as they walked out. We got to hug each person and thank them for coming. I’m so glad we did this because we were able to see everyone that was there. Each person made us feel so supported and so loved. Each hug renewed our strength.

It was absolutely pouring rain as we all left the church after the service, which actually felt really appropriate. It was like heaven was empathetically crying heavy, sad tears with us; tears that flowed strong and hard, weeping for the brokenness of this world we live in. Weeping for the deep loss we felt and saying yes, your pain is real and valid and your loss is tragic. I’m thankful that I can confidently say that this world is not my home. Friends, this is not the end of Lucy’s story. We have so much hope knowing that one day God will make all things new. We will be reunited with our daughter and what a beautiful day it will be.

“For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.” Hebrews 13:14